So you have a narcissist on your hands and you want to leave but cant ?! Oops…let me rephrase that ! You want to wash your hands of your narcissist…but no matter how many times you wash those hands , you can never quite get rid of him ……….right?
Well good on you for your persistence I say and I bet lots of other readers will agree with me in congratulating you for wanting to take action……and succeed !
I bet the decision to rid yourself of your “narc” hasnt come easily because like most of us you have been subject to many of the narcissistic behaviour traits including one that I found very mind bending which was the “nice person/evil person ” behaviour or the Jekyll and Hyde behaviour as I like to call it !
Just as you think you could never ever have any feelings for this person again they suck you right back in by turning on the charm big time and leave you questioning your judgement …..again…..and you’re left thinking its all your fault...again!
This happenend to me time and again until in the end I had to write myself a Narcissitic Traits List and refer to it when I started to feel that it was “all my fault ” OR that he was under stress at work OR that the kids were annoying him OR that I had cooked the wrong dinner OR that he was tired OR that I didnt look sexy enough for him …….
So lets just do that now shall we ? Make a Narcissistic Traits List !
Narcissism in relationships takes many different forms so this is by no means a complete or defining list but it gives you an idea of some of the key characteristics of the narcissist and they are all on MY list !!
Narcissistic character traits and narcissistic behaviours are slightly different . Traits are distinguishing characteristics possessed by a person whereas behaviours relate to the way a person conducts themselves in certain situations. That’s getting a bit technical but I just needed to say that ! For the purposes of this blog I’ll treat them as one and the same . Some overlap and everyone is different anyway so not all will exhibit all traits or behaviours.
Narcissists manipulate and bully people. These are their key modes of operation . For this reason they surround themselves with people who will ask “how high” when they say “jump”.
Narcissists can generally only form superficial relationships as they “wear out their welcome” quite quickly with their need to be right and dominating all the time .
Narcissists have an inability to love anyone more than they love themselves , the result being that they may have many partners but can rarely sustain a meaningful long term relationship.
Narcissists lack the ability to show empathy for others’ feelings or situations. They can never truly put themselves in someone else’s shoes which causes them to be judgemental of others who may have different beliefs or points of view.
Narcissists love to give “advice”, even when its not sought and they also like to have the last word assuming that everyone wants to listen to them. If their advice is not taken they are quick to judge ! At the same time they are very poor listeners themselves and are unable to pay attention to what others have to say for more than a very short time . They often talk over people with apparently not even realizing at times! After all, it’s their right to be heard above anyone else!
Narcissists cannot cope with failure and if they do fail someone or something else is always to blame. Very often this extends into turning the mistake/failure around and placing it firmly at the feet of a person they see as vulnerable and someone they can heap blame onto . The other excuse is , of course , that they weren’t really trying and that it doesn’t matter anyway! In short narcissists HATE to lose …in sport , in business and in relationships but in reality they often lose everything that matters ie, love , trust and friendship because they burn people out very quickly !
Narcissists are some of THE MOST CHARMING folk you will meet!! Need I say more ! The narcissist is very quick to charm the pants off (often literally!) the ladies in a very short space of time and then when she no longer serves him well, he drops her like a hot spud and moves on! It’s not uncommon for narcissists to have multiple partners .Once they have burnt out one source of supply they move on leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.
Narcissists and addiction go together like a hand in a glove ! Addiction is a trait which most narcissists have in one form or other . Be it to alcohol , smoking, sex, poker machines, shopping or any form of gambling. They keep turning to their addiction to get a “high” but when the high wears off the shame kicks in so they turn back to their poisonous addiction once more.
Narcissists love to push the boundaries ….breaking rules is almost a sport for the narcissist ! Whether it be doing a U-turn where is not allowed , parking in a “No Standing ” zone, running a red light …they love the thrill of the chase……. until they get caught.They love to take advantage of people if and when they can . However, should anyone try to dupe them of the smallest amount of money or catch them out in any way they will hold a grudge forever. The smallest criticism is perceived as a huge assault on their character and is taken as a massive personal insult , generally way out of proportion with what was intended . They are extremely emotionally volatile when criticism is aimed at them but are experts in dishing it out to others!
Narcissists have feelings of superiority over others. A grandiose self concept and an inflated sense of worth. This sense of entitlement translates into impatience and a hatred of waiting for anything or anyone whether it be in a queue, at a restaurant or for family and friends when going out. Why should they be kept waiting!!!
Narcissists lack empathy. They are incapable of putting themselves in the shoes of others which affects the way they see people who are struggling or sick . This lack of empathy is a hallmark of the narcissism. They think that people should be able to just “get on with ” when in a bad space or to “get it fixed” if they are sick . They see an illness or an unfortunate occurrence purely as something that can be fixed without any regard for how unwell or how devastated the person may be about what has happened to them .
Narcissists do everything they can to isolate the victim from family and friends by conducting a smear campaign against them. They turn family and friends against the victim by blaming, lying, manipulating in order to make out that the victim is the “crazy” one that they are the hero. They are capable of inflicting the most horrendous bullying, emotional, psychological and financial abuse while all the while playing Mr Nice Guy in the eyes of their victims families and friends .
OK! So there you have it ! That’s my narcissistic behavior traits list …. there are more but for me they are the main ones .I have had to refer to it many many times just to keep myself from falling back in to the trap of thinking that I am the MAD one!!
Until we meet again , stay safe, and remember you can ………..
NB: For the sake of ease and because I’m a woman writing from my perspective , I am using “she” when referring to the victim in this blog but please be aware that there are many female narcissists amongst us as well, so fellas please don’t be offended and please join in the chat !
First of all we need to