Narcissism-The Secrets Behind The Mask

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 Narcissism – the secrets behind the mask ? mask-narcissism What are they?

In other words we are asking what are the root causes of Narcissism which lead to the individual behaving as they do . It is well recognised that the person underneath “the mask ” is very different to the one we see…the mask typically covers up feelings of inadequacy, shame , inferiority , fragility and  low self esteem to mention a few .

However the mask has been worn for so long that the individual doesn’t even realize that they are living an unauthentic life  . The fact that the mask is covering up another whole side of their personality also accounts to some degree for the Jekyll and Hyde personality in which we see the monster one minute and the charming person the next! A little bit of  ‘niceness’ pops through only to be put back in its box and be replaced by the ‘evil’ side of the individual.narcissism -clown-nasty



This makes it very hard to treat anyone with Narcissistic traits as they do not believe they have a problem! We have the problem ! Of course! Why did we not see that!not-my-problem-narcissism

What are the root causes of Narcissism?

There is still much debate about what causes an individual to develop Narcissism however it is thought to be a combination of childhood experiences, genetics and biological vulnerability as well as psychological factors.

  • Childhood Experiences
  • Psychological Factors /Biological Vulnerability
  • Genetics

Childhood Experiences

The types of childhood experience that may lead to the development of Narcissism later on in adolescence or adulthood are, on the one hand , abuse , neglect , living in a chaotic environment with a narcissistic parent and/or having parents who have excessively high expectations .Often these parents are living out their unfulfilled dreams or aspirations through their children and can put untold pressure on the child to achieve while making the parent feel good.narcissism--kid-in-trouble

On the other hand the opposite can be true . This happens when so called “helicopter parenting” takes place . The parents mollycoddle the children , protecting them from any possible harm , making them feel “special”,  with a sense of entitlement and a feeling that they can have what they want when they want .


Both these types of parenting can lead to low self esteem in children which may result in them feeling the need to cover up their insecurities by attention seeking (ie.class clown) or by putting down others to make themselves feel better (ie.bullying) both of  which are classic examples of narcissistic behaviour.


The jury is out on whether or not  genetics plays a part in the development of Narcissism.  This is mainly due to the fact that not enough studies have been conducted to say one way or the other  .gene-narcissism Can you guess why there have been so few studies ? You got it !! Yes thats right , Narcissists dont think they have a problem so they are not inclined to seek treatment or to participate in studies !! LOL !!

One school of thought is that there may be an abnormality in the connect between the brain and the behaviour and if this is true then it stands to reason that this abnormality may be inherited .

So whether its nature or nurture , opinion is divided but what all agree on is that the is a definite link between narcissism and childhood abuse . If a child is exposed to narcissistic behaviour they have a much higher chance of developing those traits themselves

Psychological Factors/Biological Vulnerability child-abuse-narcissism

The temperament of a child has much to do with the way they behave as they develop. Some kids are very outgoing, some are painfully shy and some are a mixture . Two children in the same family may be exposed to Narcisstic behaviour by parents or caregivers …one may develop Narcissistic traits and the other may not .  Psychological and biological vulnerabilities vary from child to child , hence it is unpredictable as to who will develop traits of Narcissism and who will not .shy-kid-narcissism





Finally ……………………

We have learnt that the narcissist’s ‘disorder’ stems from the conflict between two different sets of beliefs about the self . They harbour deep seated feelings of inferiority ie. the secrets behind the mask , on the inside while on the exterior they project feelings of superiority which keep the self – loathing at bay. BUT the narcissist must keep reinforcing their superiority by whatever means they can ie. bullying, manipulating, exaggerating and generally making sure the world revolves around them …because they are the most important people in their own lives… they are (they think!) in the lives of all around them!


Bye for now my friends!

I hope you  enjoyed these insights into the prickly subject of  Narcissism-the secrets behind the mask….all of which come from my lived experience ! If so feel free to leave a comment below , I’d love to hear about your experiences too  !

Hope to connect with you again soon and remember …….meme-narcissism


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8 thoughts on “Narcissism-The Secrets Behind The Mask”

  1. Pretty interesting read here. I think I know someone who is like this but I also think there are many people who have this condition who don’t know they have it. In fact they would deny it which is part of the illnesses. It seems to be a way of protecting their own insecurities and boosting their self confidence. Great read.

    1. Hi David!
      Thank you so much ! As a newbie it means so much to get my first two feedback comments…and that they are positive is great is even better!!
      Im going to your site right now to read blogging tips for newbies so my posts will be even better after that!! 🙂

    1. Hi Etaya !
      Thank you for taking the time to read my post, its exciting for me to know that Im going ok! I certainly intend to keep it up and the fact that I have personal experience is what drives me to keep putting the word out there to help others .So many of us suffer/have suffered in silence just because we dont know what we are dealing with . Its a mind bending position to be in I can tell you ! But hey , here I am !

  2. It is certainly a prickly subject and one that needs to be discussed. I’ve done a lot of reading about this, the scariest thing is that the narcissist doesn’t see their problem. The rest of us try to reason with them but it’s like talking to a brick wall. It’s tricky, but not impossible to get away from these people. I’m looking forward to more of your insights into this. Thank you.

    1. Thank you Shirley!
      Its definitely tricky first of all to realise that the “charming “person you first met has turned out to be a control freak and someone who blames and shames everyone else but themselves for their own issues .
      It will take me a long time to come to recover fully but I hope that by helping others I will be helping myself !
      I need a pet !! I “wasnt allowed” to have one before but theres nothing stopping me once I find a place of my own to live !Go me!

  3. i do know some people that are like that however it is very hard to get through to them. Regardless, interesting article, great read thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks William,
      People with a narcissistic personality DO NOT like being told they have a problem! They just continue to burn people off then they wonder why they dont have many friends . They can be so destructive and it takes those they’ve hurt a very long time to recover and stop blaming themselves.

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